Rhodesians Never Die - Cyborg Ian Smith Liberates Rhodesia
by MinecraftGirl63
Summary: rhodesian propoganda


On the night of November 11, on the 3,011th year of the reign of the Galactic European Union, Ian Smith was reborn on the moon known as Uganda. He awoke to find himself in a hospital bed, with a gruff man standing over him.  
"Who...who are you? Where am I? Why are my arms and legs metal?" Ian Smith asked, flabbergasted.  
"Me? I'm 'Budster' Johnson, a 'grizzled veteran' of the 19th Rhodesian Bush War. I rebuilt your body so that Rhodesia may be liberated once more. Or, at least, those are my orders." Budster replied.  
"Rhodesia, eh? Alright, count me in." Ian adamantly replied.  
"Well, gee, that was fast." Budster remarked, "But we need two things: Leaders, to lead our troops, and money, to obtain, pay, and arm our troops. We have two generals, so far, so we just need money."  
"Where do we get money from?" Ian asked.  
"That's the problem. Getting money from the GEU is a joke, the corporations want nothing to do with us, and most of the African colonies hate us. We have one option left, though..." Budster mumbled.  
"Saudi Arabia?" Ian quipped. He remembered that Saudi Arabia had recently made millions in oil money, if it was the 20th century.  
"Unfortunately, yes." Budster groaned. "You up for dealing with the Blob?"

"If we must."  
"Alright, then let's go." Budster pulled Ian out of bed, escorted him to the hangar, and loaded him into the Rhodesian fighter craft the Front had stolen from the Namibian system. With recent breakthroughs in FTL tech, they got to Saudi Station Zeta in about an hour. When they entered the hangar, they were greeted warmly, and were escorted to the King.  
When Ian and Budster entered the throne room, Ian vomited. In front of them was a abhorrent, rancid-smelling, blob-like beast of a "human". After years of poor radiation shielding, disease, and genetic defects, the royal bloodline had reached the King.  
"Weeelcuhm to mhy shtashun, Rhwodepeins." The King bellowed. His teeth were useless horns at best, and his speech was slurred.  
Budster stood and met the king's eyes. "Your Grace, we are looking for funding for our Liberation Front. It would be an honor to receive at least thirty million C€ (Cosmo-Euros), if you c-"  
The King burst into laughter. "Bhwehehehehehee! I'll gib you one hwundwed miwion C€, iff you gib me a kwiss on dah cheekh!"  
Ian shouted. "But where are your cheeks, you...thing!"  
"Find them." The King spoke unusually clearly. After thirty minutes of searching, Ian and Johnson each found remnants of "cheeks", and pecked them hesitantly with short kisses.  
"There, 100 million C€ have been transferred into the Front's account. Now go take down Zimbabwe or whatever, I just wanted a kiss." The King boomed, again with a clear voice. But the two Rhodesians were already out the door, flying off to Planet Zimbabwe with their new force.  
On Zimbabwe, the Front's Leaders met in a jungle hideout, discussing the next battle. After deliberation, Robo-Reagan and Ron Paul, the two generals, began deploying their new troops, with Budster and Ian infiltrating Mugabe's space fortress within Super Harare. The fortress was equipped with state of the art security systems, if it was 1985, so the two Rhodesians easily made it to the control room. In the control room, they hacked into Zimbabwe's mainframe, and changed the political coding so that the planet was now Rhodesian property, but before they could confirm their changes, the back wall suddenly exploded.  
"Ha, ha, ha, ha, haaah! You will never get the Planet, while I'm still here!" Mecha-Mugabe howled, with a semi-robotic voice. The dictator's body was mostly replaced with a large, yellow, metal chassis, similar to that of a Japanese Gundam mecha. Mugabe lifted his arms, and fired the suit's hands off at the two soldiers. They battled for about an hour, like this, Mugabe firing off his missiles, Ian and Budster throwing explosives and dodging, until Mugabe's suit was finally disabled. Ian pulled out a flag, and planted it straight through Mugabe's heart, sealing the deal that Rhodesia was his.  
Suddenly, however, several ships flew in from orbit. Their wings were navy blue and yellow, and they were heavily armed. Escape was nigh impossible.  
"Ian, you bigot, why did you fight the Africans? This was theirs, first, you Nazi!" One of The ships broadcasted from an intercom.  
"Actually, we had it first, so you're the racist, you bigoted Nazi!" Ian shouted back. The ship leaned back, as if it was appalled, and flew off, with the other following it.  
"That was...odd." Budster remarked. He and Ian stepped out onto the control room balcony, and were met with thousands of cheering citizens. Ian looked to Budster for a moment, then looked out at the crowd.  
"We did it, didn't we, Budster?" Ian gleefully chirped.  
"That we did, Ian, because when you fight for your dreams, anything is possible." Budster replied, as he disappeared. Ian stated where he once was for quite some time.  
Where did he go? He thought to himself, Was he a ghost or something the entire time? Well, it doesn't matter now. Rhodesia is back, everyone is happy, and "the impossible was made possible", if that's what this was all about. Ian smiled, for he knew this was his dream, and that he had done it all by himself.

The End


End file.
